Hans Noeldner provides a Conservation Conversation:
(ring) (ring) Hello?…
…Hey John! Ya, it’s me…
…Yup, we’re OK. Say, did you hear what happened to Deb? She was backing her little Subaru out of a diagonal parking stall downtown by the bowling alley. Huge 4WD pickup truck on either side, she couldn’t see a darn thing…
…Ya I know, here in Oregon Wisconsin, a real man has to drive a three ton pickup to get a few beers, and if he really wants to impress his friends it had better have dual wheels…
…Uh huh. Anyway, Deb was backing out and this guy in an Escalade bangs into her – believe it or not he was actually pulling into the stall! Didn’t even know she was there…
…Just a tail light and crumpled rear quarter panel. Oh, and Deb is OK. No thanks to that moron!…
…Ya, white Cadillac Escalade SUV, huge thing, ’FUN TOY’ plates…
…Ya, you’re right! Billy Fourwheeler is his name…
…Yes, he’ll drive even when he’s going only two or three blocks…
…I’ll say he’s a lazy jerk!…
…No, other than being pretty overweight, there’s no reason why he couldn’t walk or something…
…Aha! So it makes you mad too…
…What to do? Well I say “The Market” should make guys like him knock off driving such gas hogs!…
…Fine, I don’t know, but we’ll run out sooner or later, the Earth ain’t made of oil…
…Hmmm – you’re right, global warming might get us first. Let’s hope gas prices go up a lot sooner than that…
…Whatever it takes to get Billy’s attention, damnit!…
…Well there’s that problem - high gas prices are gonna hurt low-income people the most…
…Ok, you have a better idea…
…Yes, John, I agree. Congress should tax carbon emissions…
…You bet! That would wake up our friend Mr. Bozo!…
…Ya, who ever knows about Congress. Let’s cross our fingers and hope they get their butts in gear…
…And I say the EPA should increase mileage standards, get rid of the ridiculous loopholes for SUVs and pickup trucks…
…No, not the pigmobile Billy has now, but at least he wouldn’t buy another one!…
…What? Me say something to his face?…
…Yes I’ve talked with him, I’m pretty sure he knows who I am…
…You want ME to tell guys like Billy to change? Why is it my job?…
…Hey, it’s a free country, people are free to drive whatever they want. Besides, if I tell him he shouldn’t be driving a huge SUV, he’ll nail me for driving up to northern Wisconsin every other weekend…
…Yes, I have a Camry, but given how much I drive, I probably actually burn more gas than he does…
…Ah! NOW you see! If I get on HIS case, he’ll criticize ME, and where will THAT get us? Pissing contest with a…
…Uh huh, government should take care of it, make people do the right thing…
…Ya, for me to say something, well that’s personal. Changing other folks ain’t none of our business…
…This weekend? Think I’ll tool up to Door County and do some hiking. Love it up there, go whenever I can…
…Ya, the traffic sucks and it’s a long drive…
…Well, traffic is traffic, you just live with it. By the way, the following weekend Deb and I are driving up to Minneapolis for the big Global Warming protest rally…
…You’ve been thinking of going too? COOL! Wanna carpool?…
…Really, it wouldn’t be a problem for us, it’s hardly out of the way…
…OK, it’s always handy to have your own car, then you aren’t tied to someone else’s schedule…
…Uh huh, I gotta go too. Maybe see you in Minneapolis at the rally!
Bye.
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