ProAmbulate inhibits driving

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Submitted by Hans Noeldner:

1 April 2009
Evanston, Illinois

A research scientist who helped to develop the birth control pill in the late 1950’s has now invented, in the winter years of his life, a new wonder medication that may do even more than the oral contraceptive to save planet Earth from humanity’s thoughtless excesses – in this case, from the ravages of overconsumption.

Leonard Nysteuen, a humble, unimposing 85-year-old former employee of G.D. Searle & Company, today announced the commencement of clinical trials for ProAmbulate, the first known example of an entirely new class of drugs known as “contramotives”. The double-blind tests, co-sponsored by the deficit-imperiled US Department of Transportation, will include 5,280 driving-age residents from four of the lowest-density, most automobile-dependent “country estate” neighborhoods in the United States, and 4,735 demographically-matched residents from five of the nation’s most pedestrian-oriented urban areas.

Nysteuen explains: “Think of ProAmbulate as the opposite of Dramamine. A mere 25 micrograms per day will stimulate strong nausea the moment a user slips behind the wheel (or handlebars) of a motor vehicle, whilst simultaneously “programming” the human brain to release pleasurable levels of endorphins when the user engages in walking, bicycling, and use of public transportation. For only 58 cents per day we will produce the kind of behavioral changes necessary to slash highway spending, halt sprawl, avert climate change, and overcome our cancerous twin addictions to oil and the automobile.”

For more information and a prospectus, visit or consider the date when this was posted.